Someone said to me on Monday that it is the start of a new chapter for me. And she was right. She is astute, compassionate, honest and realistic and I have a huge amount of respect for her. The decisions we came to will have a resounding impact on my life and its future. We talked, we listened and we made decisions and the outcome was, for me an intense feeling of sadness. But why was I sad? Was this not what I wanted? I am pretty confident that there are many people who will say it is but its not that easy sometimes is it.....
The last 5 months have been painfully challenging for me, but I can imagine that there are some who will look at my Instagram, Twitter and this blog and think that I have been having a great time.
I have been battling with mental health and just admitting that is hard enough. How I have chosen to treat it has been through the natural stimulation of serotonin through exercise and being outdoors. A healthy dose of fresh air and vitamin D (sunshine ummmmm.....) instead of the anti-depressants and tranquilisers. Yoga and Mindfulness have become part of my daily routine and my progress is slow but it is progress.
Decisions have been made that will have a huge impact on me and my family, it is not only a new chapter for me but my husband and children too. It is bloody terrifying but exhilarating at the same time.
There are people I love who I won't see anymore and that is painful. There are things I loved doing that I won't do anymore and that hurts.
All I ask is that you don't judge me, don't assume you know what its like because unless you have been here and been through what I have you have not got a clue. I may have made mistakes but they have always been honest ones. I aim to do things honestly and with integrity. If there are people out there who choose to be dishonest and cruel in order to achieve a 'result' then so be it. Go in Peace.
You can get help online for mental health at Better Help, find someone you can talk to - it really helps.