I have been accused of being selfish and self absorbed. However I have anxiety, I spend every waking second thinking that everything you say or do is because of something I did. Its not self centred, it's the way my brain is actually wired. As in science and all that stuff...
I have coping mechanisms but they rarely work, so if you are distant, off hand, critical then I feel it, physically, like a pain. It's the way anxiety works. My brain will fire off and it's default is the worst possible scenario.
It makes day to day life incredibly challenging, and incredibly exhausting, my brain is constantly fighting itself. It doesn't stop, I've just learnt how to occasionally dampen it down so it's a little quieter sometimes.
My biggest issue is that I constantly crave approval. It makes it all so much easier, it makes me able to deal with the relentless symptoms of anxiety better. So I work hard, really, really hard at trying to be the best person I can be so that I am liked.
In the past (distant I hasten to add) this has lead to my inventing 'extended truths' rather than relying on the natural amazingness that is my life. But for over three years now I have lived an honest life.
So all I ask is that people accept that I will always, always take things personally, I will always read more into everything than required, I will always shut down and build a wall when I am at my worst. And all I ask is that those people closest to me give me time, space and the BIGGEST MAHOOOOSIVEST hugs as often as possible.